As homeschoolers, we live a life that often seems akin to a nasty germ under a microscope, being analyzed and often criticized because we choose to do something that educational "experts" believe we are unqualified to do.  We choose to do something that many believe robs our children of much needed "socialization" by isolating them from other children.  Dare I say, however, that the homeschooling naysayers are not our biggest enemy.  No, I believe that WE are our own biggest enemy.

I have noticed, in myself and in other homeschoolers that I associate with, a bad habit of comparing.  Sometimes it is in a proud, braggadocios way, with noses in the air telling of how our amazing three year old can already read novels.  Of how our elementary school aged child has an incredible grasp of Latin.  How our 4th grader scored a full three grade levels higher on their last standardized test.  

Sometimes the comparison has more to do with methodologies.  Folks following the "Classical" model decreeing how it is "the best" way to do homeschool.  Other folks that embrace Charlotte Mason's philosophies may tout the superior approach of holding off on formal grammar until grade 4, immersing children in fine literature, avoiding "twaddle", and not wasting time on senseless memorization of information.  I know that there have been times that I've been guilty of that.  

Another way this comparative enemy rears its ugly head is in curriculum critiques.  Someone says, "I used XYZ for the first three years with my children, and it was an utter failure!!  My children scored the lowest in that subject area when tested!!"  Still others may look down upon someone who does not use the same "highly regarded" math program that they have chosen for their kids.  I've read some very condescending comments by well-meaning folks urging other homeschoolers to ditch a certain curriculum that they believe to be somehow inferior.  How short sighted and narrow minded is that?  Learning is as unique to each individual as their own fingerprints, therefore, it figures that what works like a charm for one child, will not necessarily work equally well for another.  Let's trust each other to choose the things that work best for our own children and avoid the temptation to poo-poo those things that have not been a good fit for us.  We are blessed with a plethora of excellent curriculum choices and the freedom to pick and choose accordingly ... let's celebrate that!!

In regards to touting our children's intelligence, I'd caution you to do so in humility.  Few things can be as crushing to a homeschooling parent than to hear about how much smarter someone else's child seems to be.  I know it is hard because we all want to brag on our kids, but if it is done without sensitivity to others (especially those who may have children with special needs) it can be particularly disheartening.  It leads the parent to second guessing their teaching abilities, it leads them to wonder if they are not teaching enough, or if they are not teaching the right things.  It can cause a person to toss aside curriculums that have been serving them well, replacing them with others that may be more "rigorous", but are not likely to be as good a fit for them.  

From a biblical standpoint, there is also a flip side to this problem as well.  As Followers of Christ, we are called to a life of humility and cautioned against pride.  Therefore, we must question our motives when sharing our children's scholastic achievements with others.  Is our motive prideful?  To build ourselves up?  To put our children, and our teaching abilities on some sort of pedestal?  I have known of families that have given up on homeschooling because they compared themselves to another homeschooling family and felt like they just weren't doing it justice.  My advice to my fellow homeschoolers is this ... DO NOT compare your homeschool to that of others.  Move at a pace that works for you.  Focus on the basics in elementary school, and don't feel pressured to add in things that you or your kids are not interested in, or ready for, just because someone else is doing it.

When I started homeschooling, my mentor was a wonderful woman who fully embraced the Charlotte Mason philosophy of education.  Due to her influence, I also gravitated toward CM.  As I think on it, I suspect that even if she hadn't been my mentor, I probably would have leaned in that direction anyway because most of the CM methodologies resonate very well with my own personal attitudes and beliefs about education.  So, at first anyway, I was quite the zealous Charlotte Mason proponent.  I felt that it was head and shoulders above all other methods, and I could not imagine subjecting my children to education in any other form.  I would tease and jibe with friends that were using the Classical method, or other methods.  It was always in a friendly way, but the message was still, "My way is better than your way."  Likewise, I was literally surrounded by homeschoolers that loved the Classical method, and couldn't imagine homeschooling any other way!!  

As the years passed, I discovered that although Charlotte Mason's way suited me better than any of the others, it was NOT a perfect fit.  What I discovered was that many of her methods fit us well, while others did not.  I found that some aspects of the Classical model actually fit us too, as did certain aspects of "unschooling," the curricular approach, the computer-based approach, and so on.  I began to quietly shift my loyalties to a more eclectic format that fit us far better than any one particular model.  At that point it began to occur to me how silly it is that we compare teaching philosophies and modalities, as though any one of them is "the answer" to the best and finest education available.  Rubbish.  It is those kinds of comparisons that can arbitrarily force a homeschooling family to try to fit a square peg into a round hole because someone has convinced them that a certain method is "the best."  Had I stuck religiously to the CM model, the past six years of homeschool would have been a lot more of a struggle, and I suspect my children would not have done as well.  My advice is to research the various models, and write down what you like about each one.  Then combine the aspects of all of those that seem to fit you the best.  

This has been our best year of homeschooling thus far, and we are using a unit study that follows CM principles, and uses lots of living books.  It includes history, language arts, science, geography, art, and writing.  We love most of it, but I diverge from CM a little in terms of grammar studies, so I supplement the unit study with spelling and grammar resources.  While I like the CM approach to science (lots of observation and natural science studies in nature), I have a certain passion for what I like to call "Crazy Science" at the elementary level.  I want things to bang, pop, crash, fly, and fizz.  I want my kids to develop an excitement for the wonders of science, IN ADDITION to an appreciation for the beauty of nature.  Therefore, I also choose to supplement the science with something a little more ... well ... exciting.  I also supplement the art portion of the study because my girls love to paint and do handicrafts.  Finally, our math program is computer-based.  It is in every sense of the word, an "eclectic" mix of homeschooling resources and methodologies.  It works for US.  It probably won't work as well for everyone.  So, when folks ask me how I homeschool, I tell them that part of the journey we all have to make involves solving the mystery of what fits us best.  That cannot be adequately squeezed into a neatly formulated model that will fit everyone else.  I've stopped boasting of the superiority of a particular philosophy, and I cringe when I hear others doing it.

It is good that we homeschoolers put so much horsepower into trying to make our children's education unparalleled.  It is good that we want them not just to get by, but to hit it out of the park.  It is good that we LOVE certain methods and curriculums.  We should cheer our kids on and put their successes on display (within reason). But let us not be so overly zealous that we inadvertently destroy the ambitions of those who may be struggling a little bit, or whose children may not be conquering Latin in the 3rd grade.  Let us make curriculum suggestions when asked to do so, without taking pot shots at packages we don't particularly like.  And finally, let us carefully evaluate each of our children's learning styles and freely explore curriculum options until we find what works for THEM ... not because someone else said that it is "the best," but because our child is thriving as a result of using it.  We have enough enemies and naysayers without adding to them from within our own ranks.  Let's commit to helping each other by loving and supporting each other and understanding that our way is not the only way.

Clearly, I am a huge proponent of homeschooling.  I truly believe in my heart that (for some people) it represents the absolute best method of education.  As a result, it is easy to focus on the good things ... the special things ... the really awesome stuff.  Educating our children is such a personal and important thing, so whether they are home schooled, privately schooled, or publicly schooled, we (as educators) tend to be very careful about admitting to any shortcomings of our teaching methods.  As homeschoolers ... always under the watchful eye of skeptics and professional educators ... we can tend to conceal those weaknesses even more.

The fact of the matter is that whenever a human being is part of the equation ... there WILL be flaws.

Every home school will deal with its own issues, its own shortcomings, its own challenges.  Our struggles may or may not be the same as those of some of our fellow home schoolers.  Sometimes it will seem like we are the ONLY family on earth that struggles with a certain something.  If we let it, that certain something will make us second guess our decision to home school.  We cannot allow that to happen.  We must try to deal with those issues, yes, because ignoring them doesn't do anyone any good at all, but we cannot allow them to derail all of the GOOD things that are happening in our homes.

Confession time.

The one thing I really struggle with in teaching homeschool is avoiding the terrifying death valley of procrastination.  Let's face it, the very nature of home school is a lot more relaxed than that of traditional schooling.  There are generally no time tables, classes in blocks of time, or hard & fast ends to school grading periods.  There is no scowling teacher with a grade book and a red pen, poised to slap a big ol' goose egg of a ZERO next to your name for the assignment you failed to turn in on time.  Well, at least not in our home school.  

It also doesn't help that I spent my own school years putting off for tomorrow anything and everything I could (and should) have done today.  I was so completely uninspired when I was in school.  HATE is really not too strong of a word to describe my feelings about school way back then.  Hearing teachers use words like "book report" ... "project"... "research paper" triggered angst and stomach cramps unparalleled by just about everything except childbirth.  Without fail, I'd wait until a day or two before it was due and then I'd scramble to pull it all together.  Most of the time I managed to get it done, and do a decent job, but not always.  Worst of all, those cram sessions never really resulted in authentic learning.  It was a drive by.  I picked up a little here and there ... enough to scrape by ... but so much more was either glossed over or missed entirely.  Books that should have been savored and enjoyed were hurriedly devoured having never really tasted them.  Research was completed without ever enjoying the wondrous process of discovery.  

Procrastination is something I've largely conquered after struggling with it for most of my life, but even so, there are times when I fall back into those old habits.  In the safe, comfortable confines of our home classroom - void of clocks, rigid schedules, red pens, and zeros - it is particularly easy to allow my kids to embrace that bad habit as well.

Recently, my oldest daughter had a very big project for scouts to complete, and she had most of a year to do it.  In the busyness of every day life, both of us managed to put off dealing with that project until the 11th hour.  Oh, true, I did mention it to her ... many times ... over the course of the year, but I didn't really put any pressure on her.  I just figured she was working on the papers and turning them in to her leader as they were completed.  I should have known better, she is MY CHILD after all.  When I was 9, given the same set of circumstances, I'd have put it off too.  Then came the deadline.  Through my daughter I was taken back in time ... back to the stress, the frustration, that overwhelming feeling of the impossible, the realization that all the joy of living would be lost and every moment consumed until that mountain of a project was completed.  For a child who so rarely has to deal with this sort of thing it was all the more painful.  As the tears poured down her face, and as she contemplated giving up and not continuing in scouts, I felt the pain of failure in my own heart.

I've never really stressed out about my ability to teach my kids anything ... ok, well I'm a little stressed about "The Talk", but other than that I have been nothing but confident.  Math, grammar, writing, science ... none of it scares me in the least.  But today I discovered that there is a subtle foe that I must drag to the surface and deal with head on.  Even though we do not have schedules and deadlines, I really need to train my children to NOT procrastinate.  If I fail to do so they will certainly leave this home-based school and be faced with a challenging reality that they may not be prepared for.  In the midst of the academics that happen on a comfortable couch, I need to begin to light a fire of urgency under my dearly loved children.  That, my friends, is by far the hardest thing I'll have to teach in homeschool, but teach it I must.

If only I had a dollar for every time I've been asked, "What's the hardest thing about homeschooling?"  Between that and the "Why do you homeschool?" question, I'd be independently wealthy.  The answer to the first question is actually a lot harder than the second. There are a lot of things that are difficult about homeschooling.  Each of us struggles with our own variety of those challenges, and while some folks seem to glide through it without a hitch, I seriously doubt that any homeschooler would say that it is anything but challenging.

For me, personally, I think the hardest part of homeschooling is ............. oh wow, I'm really having a hard time narrowing it down to one thing.  Alright, I think the best way to eat this elephant is one bite at a time, so I'll throw a list of bullet points at ya (not in the order of difficulty).

• CONFIDENCE:  Yup, the former classroom teacher lacks confidence in her homeschooling endeavors (so I can only imagine how other folks must feel).  The problem is that I compare too much.  I hear what others are doing and compare it to what I'm doing and it gets me all flustered.  Are we doing well?  YES!!  Do my elementary school aged kids know Latin?  NO!!  If there is one habit I wish I could break it is this horrible habit of comparing our version of school to that of others.  
• OVER DOING IT:  Sometimes, in an effort to have the best, most awesome homeschool ever, I have a tendency to overbook the schedule.  Oh, the kids love it.  They get to go here and there ... do this and that ... participate in all sorts of extracurriculars ... but it leaves me ragged and scrambling to get those academics in.  There is such a thing as too much of a good thing!!
• CURRICULUM CHOICES:  The pendulum has swung WAY in the other direction.  It used to be that homeschoolers had so little to choose from that they had to write their own curricula.  No more.  These days there are so many choices that it can really induce a migraine.  That often leads back to the first bullet point. How often have I picked something because I heard one of those super-homeschoolers raving about it?  I'd pay big bucks, get the thing home and discover that it was a terrible fit for our learning styles.  Or, I'd pick something that I knew would fit us to a T, then I'd read a bad review of it and start wondering if I had made the wrong choice.  After six years I'm finally realizing that homeschool isn't one-size-fits-all, and what is great for one family might be horrible for another.  
• SELF DISCIPLINE:  There are no supervisors here.  There are no "classroom observations."  While there IS an annual review, it is outside the day to day workings of our humble little school.  Self-discipline is a MUST.  You have to get up at a reasonable time, push away from Facebook - morning talk shows - or whatever, and get busy with school.  You have to do it every day.  You have to put in adequate time.  You have to be creative.  You have to be actively involved in not only teaching, but in evaluating and monitoring your kids' progress.  Some days it's hard to get the motor going.  Some days it is a knock down, dragged out battle to force yourself to get started.  You must have the self-discipline to make yourself do it, even when you are totally spent.
• SCHEDULING:  Devising at least a framework of a schedule is very helpful in establishing a workable routine, however, creating one that works (with all the demands of life) can be extremely challenging.  When I first started, I tried to be very specific, right down to what time we'd get up, when & how long we'd do each subject, when & how long breaks would be, etc..  That flopped big time.  Presently, we've evolved to use a schedule that is basically a rough matrix of what subjects we'll cover each day.  There are no time frames designated.  Even the order of events is very open ended.  Our schedule is simply a way to be sure we're getting to all the things we need to do in a given week.  I can't begin to tell you how much blood, sweat and tears have been spilled to get me to this point!!  "Agendawoman" had to loosen up her death grip on the scheduling thing!!

There are a bunch of other things that present challenges, but I would not rank them up there with the Big Kahunas of "The Hardest Things about Homeschooling."  Others would disagree, especially those with toddlers biting at their ankles!!  That's the thing though, just like everything else in homeschooling, these challenges are unique to each family.  The thing to keep in mind is this, yes, homeschool is hard.  Homeschool is challenging.  Homeschool is demanding.  But homeschool is also wonderful, fun, rewarding, exciting, fulfilling.  It is both the hardest, and greatest, endeavor I've ever taken upon myself.  I get the privilege of teaching my children.  You can't buy that kind of blessing.  If you feel in your heart that you want to homeschool, but you worry about whether you've got what it takes, I suggest finding a mentor that will help you and keep you accountable.  In the end, while homeschooling isn't the best choice for everyone, I think it can be an excellent choice for most folks ... challenges and all.