I have noticed, in myself and in other homeschoolers that I associate with, a bad habit of comparing. Sometimes it is in a proud, braggadocios way, with noses in the air telling of how our amazing three year old can already read novels. Of how our elementary school aged child has an incredible grasp of Latin. How our 4th grader scored a full three grade levels higher on their last standardized test.
Sometimes the comparison has more to do with methodologies. Folks following the "Classical" model decreeing how it is "the best" way to do homeschool. Other folks that embrace Charlotte Mason's philosophies may tout the superior approach of holding off on formal grammar until grade 4, immersing children in fine literature, avoiding "twaddle", and not wasting time on senseless memorization of information. I know that there have been times that I've been guilty of that.
Another way this comparative enemy rears its ugly head is in curriculum critiques. Someone says, "I used XYZ for the first three years with my children, and it was an utter failure!! My children scored the lowest in that subject area when tested!!" Still others may look down upon someone who does not use the same "highly regarded" math program that they have chosen for their kids. I've read some very condescending comments by well-meaning folks urging other homeschoolers to ditch a certain curriculum that they believe to be somehow inferior. How short sighted and narrow minded is that? Learning is as unique to each individual as their own fingerprints, therefore, it figures that what works like a charm for one child, will not necessarily work equally well for another. Let's trust each other to choose the things that work best for our own children and avoid the temptation to poo-poo those things that have not been a good fit for us. We are blessed with a plethora of excellent curriculum choices and the freedom to pick and choose accordingly ... let's celebrate that!!
In regards to touting our children's intelligence, I'd caution you to do so in humility. Few things can be as crushing to a homeschooling parent than to hear about how much smarter someone else's child seems to be. I know it is hard because we all want to brag on our kids, but if it is done without sensitivity to others (especially those who may have children with special needs) it can be particularly disheartening. It leads the parent to second guessing their teaching abilities, it leads them to wonder if they are not teaching enough, or if they are not teaching the right things. It can cause a person to toss aside curriculums that have been serving them well, replacing them with others that may be more "rigorous", but are not likely to be as good a fit for them.
From a biblical standpoint, there is also a flip side to this problem as well. As Followers of Christ, we are called to a life of humility and cautioned against pride. Therefore, we must question our motives when sharing our children's scholastic achievements with others. Is our motive prideful? To build ourselves up? To put our children, and our teaching abilities on some sort of pedestal? I have known of families that have given up on homeschooling because they compared themselves to another homeschooling family and felt like they just weren't doing it justice. My advice to my fellow homeschoolers is this ... DO NOT compare your homeschool to that of others. Move at a pace that works for you. Focus on the basics in elementary school, and don't feel pressured to add in things that you or your kids are not interested in, or ready for, just because someone else is doing it.
When I started homeschooling, my mentor was a wonderful woman who fully embraced the Charlotte Mason philosophy of education. Due to her influence, I also gravitated toward CM. As I think on it, I suspect that even if she hadn't been my mentor, I probably would have leaned in that direction anyway because most of the CM methodologies resonate very well with my own personal attitudes and beliefs about education. So, at first anyway, I was quite the zealous Charlotte Mason proponent. I felt that it was head and shoulders above all other methods, and I could not imagine subjecting my children to education in any other form. I would tease and jibe with friends that were using the Classical method, or other methods. It was always in a friendly way, but the message was still, "My way is better than your way." Likewise, I was literally surrounded by homeschoolers that loved the Classical method, and couldn't imagine homeschooling any other way!!
As the years passed, I discovered that although Charlotte Mason's way suited me better than any of the others, it was NOT a perfect fit. What I discovered was that many of her methods fit us well, while others did not. I found that some aspects of the Classical model actually fit us too, as did certain aspects of "unschooling," the curricular approach, the computer-based approach, and so on. I began to quietly shift my loyalties to a more eclectic format that fit us far better than any one particular model. At that point it began to occur to me how silly it is that we compare teaching philosophies and modalities, as though any one of them is "the answer" to the best and finest education available. Rubbish. It is those kinds of comparisons that can arbitrarily force a homeschooling family to try to fit a square peg into a round hole because someone has convinced them that a certain method is "the best." Had I stuck religiously to the CM model, the past six years of homeschool would have been a lot more of a struggle, and I suspect my children would not have done as well. My advice is to research the various models, and write down what you like about each one. Then combine the aspects of all of those that seem to fit you the best.
This has been our best year of homeschooling thus far, and we are using a unit study that follows CM principles, and uses lots of living books. It includes history, language arts, science, geography, art, and writing. We love most of it, but I diverge from CM a little in terms of grammar studies, so I supplement the unit study with spelling and grammar resources. While I like the CM approach to science (lots of observation and natural science studies in nature), I have a certain passion for what I like to call "Crazy Science" at the elementary level. I want things to bang, pop, crash, fly, and fizz. I want my kids to develop an excitement for the wonders of science, IN ADDITION to an appreciation for the beauty of nature. Therefore, I also choose to supplement the science with something a little more ... well ... exciting. I also supplement the art portion of the study because my girls love to paint and do handicrafts. Finally, our math program is computer-based. It is in every sense of the word, an "eclectic" mix of homeschooling resources and methodologies. It works for US. It probably won't work as well for everyone. So, when folks ask me how I homeschool, I tell them that part of the journey we all have to make involves solving the mystery of what fits us best. That cannot be adequately squeezed into a neatly formulated model that will fit everyone else. I've stopped boasting of the superiority of a particular philosophy, and I cringe when I hear others doing it.
It is good that we homeschoolers put so much horsepower into trying to make our children's education unparalleled. It is good that we want them not just to get by, but to hit it out of the park. It is good that we LOVE certain methods and curriculums. We should cheer our kids on and put their successes on display (within reason). But let us not be so overly zealous that we inadvertently destroy the ambitions of those who may be struggling a little bit, or whose children may not be conquering Latin in the 3rd grade. Let us make curriculum suggestions when asked to do so, without taking pot shots at packages we don't particularly like. And finally, let us carefully evaluate each of our children's learning styles and freely explore curriculum options until we find what works for THEM ... not because someone else said that it is "the best," but because our child is thriving as a result of using it. We have enough enemies and naysayers without adding to them from within our own ranks. Let's commit to helping each other by loving and supporting each other and understanding that our way is not the only way.